Recently, both the television and print media have come to remind me of two things. It's either Private Frazer from 'Dad's Army' (you know, the one who goes "we're all dooomed") or it's the Yorkshiremen from the Monty Python sketch, who are constantly trying to outdo one another with stories of how rough their upbringings were - 'You were lucky...'. There seems to be a daily game between all the papers and the four major news channels to see who can deliver the best analysis, the best forecast of just how bad things are going to get in light of this new recession. I'm glad it's a proper recession now. The term 'credit crunch' was starting to grate me, mainly because it sounded like a breakfast cereal that was really bland and had needed another flavour which children could enjoy; you know, like Choco-Credit Crunch, or Credit Crunch N Nuts.
I am not for one moment suggesting that the news should stop reporting on the economy. I for one like to know what is going on in the world around me. But I would like it if I could hear a bit of good news, or at least good news which isn't tainted with the institutionalised pessimism that has been rampant of late. For example, this past Saturday I read an article in The Times which said that John Lewis had seen a record turnover during their Christmas sale on the 27th December. The article then went onto warn, however that this would make no difference, that January and February would represent grim times for the whole High Street. Today, Marks and Spencers announced 1,000 job cuts. Not good news. Then the BBC news website hammered it home with, 'this will be seen as a sign of weakness on the High Street'. I'm sure it will, if only by the 1,000 people who will lose their jobs. And if the managers and shareholders of John Lewis wanted their parade rained on, they could just pop in their time travel machines and go back to last summer. Thirdly, Anne Robinson appeared on The Andrew Marr Show to re-iterate this, and to say, in her clipped Weakest Link tones, that this year, we all leave with nothing.
The depressed amongst us needn't worry however. Because the newspapers have anticipated the fact that we're all reaching into our drawers and pulled out our old service revolvers, or crushing some pills into a sale-bought Ikea tumbler filled with vodka. They've published some survival guides for 2009. The newspapers sell by first telling us how the recession will affect every aspect of life and then by giving things to make us feel better. The Daily Mail is the best at this; complaining about how Britain has gone to hell under the control of Labour and the Guardianistas then offering to help you shop cheaply in the new economic climate.
The economic climate also gives one a renewed appreciation of the skewed priorities of said newspapers i.e. covering pages with tales of economic woe alongside gripes over how Matt Smith's eleventh Doctor is too young for the part. Many of the articles written about the recession have been exercises in time travel - opinion columns have been tripping over themselves to compare this to the Wall Street Crash of 1929 and impart wisdom to Gordon Brown and Barack Obama about how they can or can't learn from Franklin Roosevelt.
The depression of the Thirties lasted for most of that decade. Current projections put this one at two years in length - the worst apparently since 1992. Oh dear God. I was expecting something more drastic, like 'since records began'.
Yes the global banking system nearly collapsed and yes 2009 will be a tough year. All I'm saying is, you might save a bit of money and possibly your own sanity if you stop reading about the recession and just concentrate on living through it.
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